Sensory Overload - A Mother's Open Letter...

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Single Mothers who have Children with Autism · 

 I know you've seen me. I'm that mother you pass whose trying to console her screaming child. You think the kid looks too old to behave this way; kicking, thrusting, pushing, smacking and grabbing, all while letting out shrill cries and screams. The mother seems unrealistically calm but her face shows signs of fatigue. You stare for a moment before thinking to yourself, "Dear god, how could she let that brat behave that way?" I know how you're feeling at that moment… I used to be like you; I resigned myself to judgment until I was on the other end of the glare.

It seems to me that, by nature, humans are extremely judgmental creatures, especially on sensitive subjects such as parenting. We rarely take a moment to realize that there are circumstances in which we just don't understand because we haven't "been there." I'm guilty of it and I'm sure you are, too.

My son has something called Pervasive Developmental Disorder - Not Otherwise Specified, which is a high functioning form of Autism. With so many children diagnosed with Autism every year, I'm astounded by how ignorant people are towards it. Before Ben was diagnosed, my only knowledge of Autism was from some of the children that I went to school with and from entertainment. I never realized how broad the spectrum of Autism was.

You see, Ben is a very intelligent, imaginative, expressive, sensitive and creative little guy. To me, he is pure sunshine and one of the few things that can immediately pull me out of any funk. He has a brilliant smile that lights up a room, curious brown eyes with endless depths of thoughts and perceptions and a gentle, sweet, happy disposition that can't be matched. He can charm anyone who comes in contact with him and has a giggle that melts even the most frozen of hearts.

At first glance, Ben is a typical 3 year old boy. But my son has trouble with verbal and social skills. It wasn't until very recently that he started saying words that many parents take for granted by this age, like "Mommy," "Daddy," "eat" and simple expressions of wants and needs. Ben still prefers to play on the periphery of other children if not completely alone and it sometimes takes a bit to puncture through the bubble he puts around himself to be part of his world. Like many other children with Autism, Ben has heightened sensations. While most of us can focus on one particular thing, like a conversation with someone else, for Ben, his mind would be focusing on the conversation, the light in the room, the other sounds in the room, the smells, the texture of the clothes he's wearing, the other sights in the room; unable to filter one as a priority over the others. This becomes, literally, a painful experience for Ben as his brain is unable to filter with all the signals being thrust upon him all at once. I mean, could you possibly imagine what my son goes through on a day to day basis?

Going anywhere requires precise planning and delicate timing. Through experience, I have learned the best stores and the best times of day to take Ben. I know this isn't particularly uncommon for parents of small children, but it's a little more involved in that. Ben needs an established, structured routine in his life. This sense of absolute helps him feel as though he has more control over his life and assures him that everything is okay. The slightest breech in this routine could be catastrophic for him. I have learned that he has certain comfort mechanisms that may be able to help him center himself again. For Ben, this is often a soft textured fabric (e.g. a favorite plush, a soft blanket or the stuffing from the inside of a pillow) to rub his face on or by rubbing or gently squeezing his limbs.

But sometimes, these are simply not enough and his sensory perception becomes just too much for him to be able to calm himself and he goes into something called, "Sensory Overload." When this happens, Ben begins crying and screaming; kicking and thrusting. When this happens, I'm often kicked, pinched, smacked, have my glasses pulled off my face and thrown and feel helpless that I can't console my child. Ben doesn't know how to express to me what he's going through or how he's feeling and that mutual feeling of frustrated desperation is felt by both of us. When this happens, it is my job to remove Ben from the situation as much as possible, stay calm, loving, compassionate and understanding. I know that when Ben is having sensory overload, that he's in pain and I know that no matter how much he may do to me, I know he's in far more agony than I could ever be in. My priority at that moment isn't about my comfort, the other patrons of wherever we may be, but on the needs of my child.

If everyone would take just a split second to push aside their judgments and remember that we may not know everything, maybe this world would be a more compassionate place. The next
time you see me, or another parent like me, out in public, remember that it isn't because of bad parenting. That child that they're trying to comfort may be in actual pain and any parent who loves their child would do anything to take that pain away, despite what anyone else may think.

Nancy E Sheppard via http://voices.yahoo.com/sensory-overload-11521226.html?cat=5